This One Writes Itself

 Found this on Drudge and still shaking my head...

It links to 

Humor Is Healing

Have you ever found a bit by a comedian so funny that you can listen to it over and over? I have a few but these two are probably my favorites. (Warning: The late Patrice O'Neal was not a "clean" comedian! The bit here is a clean version but don't go looking up more without knowing you will run into a lot of foul language...)

Here is O'Neal doing a bit that I can never watch without breaking into laughter. The best part is watching the couples in the audience.

This next comedian is Josh Sneed. I can't wait for more of his comedy to come out online. This is one of my favorite bits from his Dry Bar show.

His comedy is family-friendly. This is the whole video. BTW, do go and support Dry Bar Comedy (which is always clean and family-friendly) and the comedians that you enjoy.

Peace

--Free

Windows vs Mac?

 Just popping in to share some smiles. You'll be able to tell that I am a Windows fangirl but this humor is for everyone!

That one is me all over. And I love a Windows PC!

That one paints a cute picture!

That one is the one I love to tease my Mac-loving brother with.

And this lest one is another I like to share with my brother!!!

Next time, I will poke more fun at Windows because fair is fair. LOL

Peace

--Free

NOTE: None of these are my own images. I've collected them over time by Google searching.

I'm Back!

 Yep, it's been a while because I've been busy with Bible study, family stuff, and all that. I was rambling through Bored Panda's "Funny" page today and culled some funnies to make you smile. Be blessed, joyful & forgiving, everybody!

I'm pretty sure I've done this...

I do want this mat

The snow, the rain, the clouds, the... 

I laughed for 5 minutes after seeing this one

And I'm losing memories...

Another one that made me ROFL

I hope this made you feel a little better if only for a little while. I have started checking Bored Panda on my really "down" days. Notice that a  lot of there were found by BP on Twitter and other social media sites under a sarcasm hashtag.

Peace

--Free

Internationally Lovely

A neighbor complimented me the other day, saying that I have "great skin for a 'senior'" When I got over being called (truthfully) a "Senior", I was okay. When she asked what I use in my face care routine, I rattled off a list of products, which made her laugh.

My skincare products?

• African black soap for my torso always and occasionally for my face & neck.
• Baobab oil (from the African Baobab) for my face and hair.
• Greek Bliss oil for my face & scalp and Greek Bliss soap for my torso.
• Kikumasamune Moisturizing Skin Lotion Toner (from Japan) for my face, torso, and feet.
• German-made Nivea for my face, body, and feet.

I never thought about it until my neighbor teased that I have "international" skin.

Seriously, though, you must get out of your cultural comfort zones when it comes to skincare. 

Peace

--Free

**STILL FUNNY** Natural Hair Humor

 Since I've gone "natural," I find stuff like this SO funny. (Glad my bedtime routine isn't this complicated!!!)

You sure would be ready for some rest after all that!

Peace
--Free

The Power of "Drawing Back a Nub"

 When reading some Southern sayings the other day, I started to think about the short stories I'm working on. "Drawing Back a Nub" will feature stories about growing up with an old-school, down-home mother.

It has dawned on me that a lot of the parenting techniques my mother used back when I was a kid would land someone in jail today. Kids are so easily "traumatized" today that parents are cautious about "harming their psyche". Whatever. I'm not going to bash what other people do, but I know that nothing my mother did cause any trauma or harmed my psyche. She 'harmed' my backside with a switch plenty of times, but never without a reason or a positive result. And what are those results? Well, I've never been in jail, I am respectful to my elders, and I have nothing but good memories of the way my mother raised me.

One of the things my mother (and most other Southern mothers) was known for was a way with words. Here are some of the things I can remember Mom saying to me at some point during my youth:

• "Girl, sit down before I snatch a crook in your neck." (How exactly does one 'snatch a crook' in someone's neck?)
• "You better take your hand off that bone you call a hip when you're talking to me." (These days, I wish I could still find that bone under all this fat!)
• "Sit your little narrow ass down before I pop a knot on it." (Pop a knot? On my behind? Wha???)
• "Comb that part out of the middle of your hair, looking like Sister Tutta." (To this day, I have no idea who Sister Tutta was. Apparently she had bad fashion sense because she came up often in the critiques of my own hair and wardrobe choices.)
• "I'll slap that nasty little attitude of yours across the street." (Well... dang!)
• "I'll slap the taste out of your mouth."
• "You gonna draw back a nub" was said if you reached for something you shouldn't be reaching for. That one is harsh!

When I was reading that article about regional sayings, I had one mystery cleared up. Apparently when my mother said someone was "Drunk as (or drunker than) Cooter Brown", she was speaking of a well-known town drunk. That saying was right there on the list I saw. (And here I spent years trying to identify which of my parent's friends lived under that Alias.)

I look at kids today and wonder what they are going to remember about their parent's discipline methods. I suppose most will involve having their electronics taken away. Maybe being restricted from surfing the Internet will be the biggest punishment. Huh. They have no idea! I think the worst thing my mother ever did to me was not to give me a "whooping" but to have me go out to the yard and pick out the switch she was going to use. 

There is "power in the tongue" as the Bible teaches. I know that is the truth. My mother didn't always speak "discipline", she spoke "love". The power of my mother's love didn't save any of us kids from making errors in judgment, dealing with heartbreak and heartache, or keep us out of every bad situation we got into. What her love did was keep us from giving in to any of that. When we fell down due to our problems, we never stayed down. When we lost one fight to get ahead, we didn't tap out. Our mother's love is with us to this day. She's been gone now for 20 years now and we still abide by her advice and guidance. There were a few times in my life when I had the chance to make a lot of money but I'd hear Mama's voice saying that "a lifetime of luxury in this life is not worth an eternity of regret in the next."

I WILL be checking out this site asap!
I remember this saying so well.

So, yeah, Mama could be rough on us. We got scolded and "whooped" with switches, and we were told when we were wrong. But we turned out okay. To be honest, the only trauma I suffer from today is being afraid of all the kids who didn't have a mother like mine.

Peace

--Free

P.S.: I wrote this post so long ago that I have forgotten where I got the list of sayings I mentioned. I just went and searched out a couple of sources that you might enjoy:

• "Black Mama's Sayings" 
• Southern Mama's Say...

Quick Smiles

 Since I have been neglecting this blog, I thought I had better come over and spread some smiles around. Here ya go!

This is from one of the funniest Instagram accounts I follow

So... I will be ordering this asap! 

This next one reminds me of something Chuck Missler once said as he renamed the "name it and claim it" movement. He called it the "blab it and grab it" and I laughed for a solid 5 minutes.

So there you go. I will try to be back more often to update here.

Peace

--Free

Natural Hair Humor

 As someone who is a "natural hair" enthusiast, I get a real kick out of the memes and funnies I see online. I thought I would share:

This 1st one is so true. To this day, I won't let anyone "press" my hair with even an electric hot comb.

Peace

--Free

Old & Gold TV Shows 1

 I've been watching The Andy Griffith Show on Prime and, I have to tell you, it's done my heart good. I don't have memories of it but know I must have watched the show as a child. At any rate, think what you want about any of the people who starred in the series, but the show was good stuff. Here are some goodies from the show (and be sure to go check out the sources for more):

Opie's me when I was his age. And Andy was my Dad and Mom!

I laughed so hard at this poem

My parents didn't need a woodshed. I'd get my behind popped right wherever I acted a fool! 

Seriously, if you want to watch something "clean", go check it out.

Peace

--Free

"Black People's Collard Greens"

I bought some bagged collard greens when the store ran out of loose bunches. When I threw out the bag, I had to Google to make sure I had the cooking times right. Looking through a page of images for the bag of greens and instructions, I ran across this:

That made me blink first, then laugh so hard that I started coughing. It reminds of the time a lady was fussing because "we" had been holding out the info on "all the 'butters'".

It's good to find something "touchy" to laugh about together. Laughing is still free and healthy!

Peace

--Free

LOL Moments in Scripture (and eSword)

(This was first posted on my other blog FreeBeingFree. It belongs here.) 

The Hebrews are a people with a past of extreme highs and lows. Their sense of humor is a bit different from that of my own African- American-slave-descendant culture. But I think our troubles and blessings make us appreciate wry humor. 

Yesterday, I was reading in 1 Kings and there is a part in chapter 18 that cracked me up so hard I had to wipe tears from my eyes. I will share versions from both the ERV and the ESV. As a speaker of contemporary English, I found the ERV hit my funny bone hardest.

screenshot from eSword ERV version

Can you just picture it? Elijah making fun of these fools while they are hopping around like madmen!

There is much humor to be found in the Bible. This is a post in the Bible History Daily section of Biblical Archaeology Society that I wanted to share.

Where are parts in the Bible that have made you chuckle?

Peace

--Free

P.S.: I am not affiliated with or compensated by eSword but I love encouraging people to check it out. I have it downloaded onto my computer and use it daily for the many free and paid resources. Please consider donating to them. 

Potty Humor

Warning: this might be slightly offensive, but it made me laugh way too hard.

In the midst of all this coronavirus madness - people trampling the stores like it's Black Friday and buying out tissue as if it's never going to be produced again - I have kept my cool. Even though I have a compromised immune system, I have just continued taking my normal precautions: staying away from anyone who might be sick with anything contagious; keeping myself away from anyone when I have something contagious; washing my hands properly; keeping my environment as clean as I can, etc.

Because other people are in panic mode, I do worry that tissue will be at a shortage. So, I am taking a clue from my French brothers and sisters. I went looking for a portable bidet. I found and read reviews and information for several. It was when I was reading the info for one in particular that I laughed so hard, I thought I would need that bidet immediately.

I started laughing so hard that I literally had to walk criss-cross legged to the bathroom before I had an accident.

People, don't let this COVID-whatever make you forget that we cannot live in fear. Take care of yourself, take all the normal precautions, be safe. Most of all, don't lose your sense of humor.

Peace
--Free

Lemme Just Rewind That...

Since my insomnia has me up and wide awake for the moment, I thought I would share something funny that happened to me recently. It goes to show how affected we are by the technology we use so much...

I rarely sit and watch television. I use the computer for most news and entertainment. However, when I do sit on the couch to watch television, I am nosy and distracted. My living room window gives a view of everyone leaving or entering our apartment building.

When I was watching Netflix on my TV today, I was also being very Gladys Kravitz and taking note of the comings and goings of the residents. If I missed something happening on the TV show, I would just do quick a rewind. There happened to be a lot of activity around the building today so I was doing a lot of rewinding.

At one point, out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone pulling a small wagon full of plants up to the building. By the time I turned to look though, I couldn't see who was bringing in the plants. As you might know from reading my other blogs, I LOVE plants. Love, love, love them. I was dying to know who had somehow gotten a whole wagon full.

Now, this is where it gets weird because, for a full second (or maybe even two), I considered rewinding... uh, life? I seriously gave it some thought before I realized that I can't control life the way I control Netflix!

That was a sign to me that I needed to turn off the TV and stop window-gazing. It also reminded me of this:

Peace
--Free

How Hot Is It?

I posted these two clips on Being Free recently and just had to share them here. If you have never watched the movie, you must! Biloxi Blues is so funny that all these years later, I crack up whenever I think of these scenes. I even added another scene here that I forgot to share on the other blog.

And this last one is not appropriate for children...

I said on my other blog that, in this movie, Broderick reminds me of a young Jerry Lewis.

Peace
--Free

And Then the Fight... Didn't Start

This is something different for this blog. It's hilarious, but it's a video. It's a series of videos. I think you will love it if you are in any coupled-up relationship.

I just stumbled across this video but could not stop watching after the first 10 minutes. He's so funny that I laughed until my stomach ached. The humor is one thing but he shares so much truth. I wish I had seen this video years ago.

By the way, the speaker is Mark Gungor. He's a pastor - but don't freak out my non-Christian friends - his focus here is more on marriage than anything. This is his page. Enjoy and tell others about the videos.


Peace
--Free

Re-posting a Funny

Re-posting a Funny
I've been laid up for several days and letting a bunch of scheduled posts take care of the BeingFree blog. However, I was looking over some old posts and wanted to share this. And I know that I've been neglecting Lotta Laughs...

This is a paste/copy of a post from June 2006 of something so hilarious that my sisters-in-law and I still laugh about it. I wish I knew where it originated. Please enjoy.


For My Lady Blogger Buddies

Okay - and the guys too. Anyone who wants to laugh. No post today, so enjoy this. It was given to me yesterday when I went to lunch with my office family. I'm surprised we weren't kicked out of the place. I'm not sure who wrote it, but YOU WILL LAUGH. (It's a little long...)

CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.

(YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip, I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my "honey pot" and stretching down to the inside of my ass cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself...RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. OH NO! What have I done???!!! Another deep breath and RRIIP! P!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. WHAT?! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, my "man magnet". Which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. My

LIFE FLASHES BEFORE ME!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Kooter? Sealed shut! Ass?? Sealed shut! Both sealed tighter than

Fort Knox!!!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to Shit! My head may, quite frankly, just pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your ass and nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter -

"So girlfriend, my ass and "kitty" are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking your ass and crotch?" She must be reveling in humor and wants me to repeat it for her enjoyment.

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your "man-hole" girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on my cooch, and

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.

It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!! It works!!"

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!! Looking like an Osama Bin Laden goatee!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color.....

Now that's funny ........ Notttttttttt.


Send this on to other ladies who need a good laugh!

Peace
--Free

Pinterest Makes Me LOL

When I am down (and that happens quite a bit), I sometimes like to go over and cruise through the giggles at Pinterest. There's always something there to make me smile or seriously laugh out loud. My problems don't disappear but, for five or ten minutes, I can think about something other than my health, loneliness, medical bills, and other bills. In other words, I get a little break from "adulting".

Just in case any of you are feeling less than joyous right now, I thought I'd share the latest giggle-pins.

I love these and when I share them, I tell folks to tag their best friend:

Then there are those days when I just cannot deal with life...

One of my nieces was having this kind of week at work. I'd love to have a job to complain about again.

Doing my IF diet works but it ain't always easy, but I bet I burned some calories laughing at these...

And then, there are all the other giggles that helped me get through a bad half an hour...

Hope you smiled for a few minutes.

Peace
--Free