I Seriously LOL *ALL* the Time

Maybe I am too much of a child, but that's got to be better than the alternative. Of course, kid-at-heart that I am, I will laugh like a child when I think something's funny. And by laugh like a child, I don't mean a sweet, soft, adorable giggle. When I laugh, I can sometimes embarrass myself. It's the one not-so-ladylike thing about me. (Said I.)

The good thing about laughter is, it makes you forget to be embarrassed. Or sad, or mad or caught up in the negative. When I'm having a good laugh, I don't think about being sick or broke or single or really pissed off that chocolate has calories. The other good thing about laughter is, there's plenty to go around.

Earlier tonight, I spent years on my personal crack habit called Pinterest. Now my stomach hurts too much from laughing for me to post much. So, here, have a few giggles.

Tis the season for wishes not reason

I want this on a t-shirt

So me! It's now on my blog sidebar-------->>>>

Then I laugh. Loudly.

It was 11 below last night. Check your car.

Ladies, you know this is funny.

Guys, you know this is funny.

Watch out now!

It's pure addiction, I tell you...

Go ahead and keep laughing, it keeps the blues a

way. 

And if anyone hates that you've found a  reason to smile, just remember this:

Peace (and joy)

--Free

Natural Hair Humor

Since I've gone "natural," I find stuff like this SO funny. (Glad my bedtime routine isn't this complicated!!!)

You sure would be ready for some rest after all that!

Peace
--Free

So Cold?

Saw this on Pinterest.

Thought of the weather we had last week.

Laughed til I almost wet myself.

Wanted you to laugh with me.

Now, go wipe yourself

Peace
--Free

If You're Too Busy (Cool or Male) to "Pin"

And, for the guys: no, I'm not talking about sex.

For a mood-lifter that doesn't involve chocolate or drugs (wait, is chocolate a drug?) I sometimes turn to Pinterest. To share the smiles with those non-Pinners, here are just a few morning smiles (mostly courtesy also of somecards.com:

warm goodies

cynical but funny, but (sometimes true)

and maybe a little liquor?

insert evil laugh here

life lesson???

when haters are hating

Peace

--Free

Stress Management (with a smile)

(The email was titled "Stress Management for Women", but I think just about anyone can learn from this.)

A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience with a raised glass of water. Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or half full?'... She fooled them all .... "How heavy is this glass of water?" she inquired with a smile. Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. To 20 oz.

She replied , "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "and that's the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night... Pick them up tomorrow.

1 * Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!

2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4 * Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8 * Never buy a car you can't push.

9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.

13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

19 * Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

20 *Save the earth..... It's the only planet with chocolate!*

(I love #5. #6 is a proven truth!)

Peace
--Free

Gotta Love Kids

Warning: Extreme cuteness ahead. From my in-box

And my favorite....

Oooops!

Peace

--Free

All the Real Daddies, Standup!

I was a bad girl & missed this on Father's Day...

All kidding aside - the "real" Daddies out there deserve more than a video. The Real Daddy may not be the one who got the woman pregnant, but he sure is the one helping her deal with the lifelong consequences. If you have a Real Daddy in your family, show them the love.

Peace
--Free

(Got this via G+)

Two For Giggles!

(In a Crowded Library)

A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded library.

He asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you? 

The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed and moved to another table. 

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said with a laugh...

"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right? 

The guy then responded with a loud voice: “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? . . . That's Absurd!”

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. 

The guy whispered in her ear: "I study law, and I know how to screw people".

###

(Grandpa Calm)

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3year-old grandson. 

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. 

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy William, we won't be long, easy, boy.” 

Another outburst and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."  

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William." 

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grand-father is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. 

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and NO matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa." 

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William .......the little sh*t's name is Kevin.” 

Moves Like...

This was on G+ the other day. A Plus pal of mine got a great giggle out it after I told him ...

...it's what I looked like when I tried treadmilling to Frankie Beverly & Maze's "Running Away." That beat got good to me & I just about hurt myself! (You can stop laughing now, +J.D. Hughes!)

Next time, I'll play some Mozart!

Peace
--Free

His'n & Her'n

Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will.
There's no need to remind him about it every 6 months!
Sheesh!

I heard a guy complaining about how expensive his wedding is.
He's going to be real pissed when he finds out how much his divorce is going to cost.


NASA's robot Curiositu landed on Mars.
Early pictures show no signs of ESPN, beer or porn.
This makes it very clear that men are NOT from Mars...

I once won an argument with a woman...
in this dream I had.



If your wife or girlfriend ever asks:
"If I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, 
which of my friends would you pick to join in?"
Never give 2 names.

It is so funny that
when my girlfriend gives me the
"silent treatment,"
she thinks it's a punishment.

Toot Toot Toot

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, ''You had a  good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now.''

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, ''And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony.''

''Thank you, Father,'' answered the young priest. ''I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.''

''All of these ideas have been well and good,'' said the elderly priest, ''But I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.''

''But, Father,'' protested the young priest, ''my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!''

''Yes,'' replied the elderly priest, ''and I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell' cannot stay on the church roof!"

Gentle Thoughts

From my Aunt Johnnie:

Birds of a feather flock together

and then crap on your car.

A penny saved is a

Government oversight.

The older you get, the tougher

It is to lose weight, because by

then your body and your fat have

gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find

something lost around the

house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman

numerals for forty (40) are 'XL'.

The sole purpose of a child's

middle name is so he can

tell when he's really in trouble.

Did you ever notice: When you

put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS'

together it spells 'Theirs.'

Aging: Eventually you will

reach a point when you stop

lying about your age and

start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back

their odometers. Not me, I want

people to know 'why' I look this

way.  I've traveled a long way and

some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and

would like to go back to your

youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting

old when everything either

dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no

one tells you about aging

is that it is such a nice change

from being young.  Ah, being

young is beautiful, but being

old is comfortable.

Lord, Keep your arm around

my shoulder and your hand

over my mouth . . . AMEN!

Peace

--Free

Bad Boy!

Childbirth: Should children witness childbirth? Good question. Here's your answer.

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. 

The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy, Heidi, so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. 

Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted Connor by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. 

Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help.

He asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed...

Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place... smack his butt again!"

SENIOR DRESS CODE

(From my Auntie Johnnie Mae!)

Many of us 'Old Folks' (WAY over 50) are quite confused today about how we should present ourselves. Feeling 'young', we try to conform to current fashions and present a youthful image.

Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided: 


     1. A nose ring and bifocals  


     2. Spiked hair and bald spots 


     3. A pierced tongue and dentures 


     4. Miniskirts and support hose  


     5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads  


     6. Speedo's and cellulite 


     7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar  


     8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor 


     9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge 


     10. Bikinis and liver spots 


     11. Mini skirts and varicose veins 

     And,  Most importantly…  

     At  some point you have to give up the 'DAISY DUKE'  shorts  

Peace
--Free

Mr. Bluebird on My Shoulder

One of my favorite people on Google Plus is my psychological twin, +Julia Hawkins.

She might understand then why this just cracked me up...

The bird's name is Trudy.

Peace

--Free

Oldie Goodies

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really?" answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty..."

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

"So I hear you're getting married?"

"Yep!"

"'Do I know her?"

"Nope!"

"This woman, is she good looking?"

"Not really."

"Is she a good cook?"

"Naw, she can't cook too well."

"Does she have lots of money?"

"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."

"Well, then, is she good in bed?"

"I don't know."

"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"

"Because she can still drive!"

Peace
--Free

Strut, Strut, BAM!

Don't know why I chose this as the post to introduce my newest blog. I suppose just to emphasize that even Christians are human and sometimes inappropriate.

Don't act like this right here isn't funny:

Strut, strut....BAM!

I found it from a buddy on G+ and just about went to hell laughing.

Yeah. I am just so wrong for that. Going to hell on a scholarship if I don't ask forgiveness.

Anyway, my new blog is for Christians who believe deeply in the Savior and think outside the walls of buildings called churches. It's called Accidentally Brilliant, Unintentionally Sexy. Yeah. Seriously. Tell your friends.

Peace
--Free

Signs of the Funny

SIGNS

(In a Toilet)
TOILET OUT OF ORDER.   PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

(In a Laundromat)
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT!

(In a London department store)
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS!

(In an office)
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN!

(In an office)
AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD!

(Outside a secondhand shop)
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.   WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

(Notice in health food shop window)
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.

(Spotted in a safari park)
ELEPHANTS - PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

(Seen during a conference)
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

(Notice in a farmer's field)
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

(Message on a leaflet)
IF YOU CANNOT READ THIS, LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS!

(On a repair shop door)
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)!

HEADLINES

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says!  (

Really?)

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers! (

Now that's taking things a bit far!)

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over. (

What a guy!)

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant. (

See if that works any better than a fair trial!)

War Dims Hope for Peace. (

I can see where it might have that effect!)

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile. (

Ya think?!)

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide. (

They may be onto something!)

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges (

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?)

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks (

Do they taste like chicken?)

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors (

Boy, are they tall!)

Say It Ain't So!

Like you probably do, I get all kinds of funny emails. I usually laugh at and wonder if the information is true. I got the following email the other day and, in this case, I want to think someone is just poking fun:

A DC 'airport ticket agent' offers some examples of 'WHY' our country is in trouble! 

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.  (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Cape Town.  I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts...''

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape Town is in South Africa.'' His response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did.  I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando.  He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.  I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.  
He replied, "Don't lie to me! I looked on the map, and Florida is a very THIN state!!''

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada?''

I said, ''No.''

She said, ''But they look so close on the map...''

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas.  I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas.  When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.''

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week.  She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones.  Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that...

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?''

I said, 'No, why do you ask?'

He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT),  and I'm overweight.  I think that's very rude!''

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it.  (I was dying laughing).  I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

8. Senator John Kerry's aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii.  After going over all the cost info, she asked,  ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida.  Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane.

She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu, La. Senator, called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China.  After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa.

"Oh, no I don't.  I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa.  When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.''

I was at a loss for words.  Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''

"Yes, what flights do you have?''

After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."

''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly!  Everyone knows where it is.  Check your map!''

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo, do you?''

The reply?  ''Whatever!  I knew it was a big animal.''

I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration.  Like manure, you just gotta spread it around...