Two For Giggles!

(In a Crowded Library)

A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded library.

He asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you? 

The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed and moved to another table. 

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said with a laugh...

"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right? 

The guy then responded with a loud voice: “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? . . . That's Absurd!”

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. 

The guy whispered in her ear: "I study law, and I know how to screw people".

###

(Grandpa Calm)

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3year-old grandson. 

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. 

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy William, we won't be long, easy, boy.” 

Another outburst and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."  

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William." 

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grand-father is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. 

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and NO matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa." 

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William .......the little sh*t's name is Kevin.”