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Sunday, July 13, 2014

Why Teachers Go Nuts

The email I got called this one "Why Teachers Drink", but...

******


Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
(Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A.. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.  The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
(That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A.When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
(brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.
(now we’re getting somewhere)



Hahaha! Is it just me, or is there a bit of genius in some of those answers?

Peace
--Free

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

So True, So Very True!

Stole this from someone on Facebook. Almost makes it worth it that I have an account there...
Jeff Foxworthy on Alaska. Boy, did he nail it!

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Alaska.

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Alaska.

If you know several people who have hit a moose more than once, you may live in Alaska.

If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you may live in Alaska.

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Alaska.

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Alaska.

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Alaska.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Alaska.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Alaska.

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Alaska.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Alaska.

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in Alaska.

If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in Alaska.

If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to your entire Alaskan friends & others, you definitely live in Alaska

Mostly true. Used to be completely true, but they times are a'changing...

Peace
--Free

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Monday, June 23, 2014

Friday, May 23, 2014

Baby, Baby, Baby - You're So Funny (Pt II)

Started this party yesterday when my Auntie shared to my inbox. Let's keep smiling!




Precious & priceless


You better b'lieve it, son!

Warning to 1st timer parents

My siblings told me I was in the Lost & Found box!

#MostLikelyTrue

Whoops!


And my favorite...



Peace
--Free

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Saturday, December 21, 2013

I Seriously LOL *ALL* the Time

Maybe I am too much of a child, but that's got to be better than the alternative. Of course, kid-at-heart that I am, I will laugh like a child when I think something's funny. And by laugh like a child, I don't mean a sweet, soft, adorable giggle. When I laugh, I can sometimes embarrass myself. It's the one not-so-ladylike thing about me. (Said I.)

The good thing about laughter is, it makes you forget to be embarrassed. Or sad, or mad or caught up in the negative. When I'm having a good laugh, I don't think about being sick or broke or single or really pissed off that chocolate has calories. The other good thing about laughter is, there's plenty to go around.

Earlier tonight, I spent years on my personal crack habit called Pinterest. Now my stomach hurts too much from laughing for me to post much. So, here, have a few giggles.

Tis the season for wishes not reason

I want this on a t-shirt


So me! It's now on my blog sidebar-------->>>>




Then I laugh. Loudly.




It was 11 below last night. Check your car.


Ladies, you know this is funny.

Guys, you know this is funny.










Watch out now!



It's pure addiction, I tell you...

Go ahead and keep laughing, it keeps the blues a
way. 
And if anyone hates that you've found a  reason to smile, just remember this:





Peace (and joy)
--Free