Gadget Weary?

Haven't posted for a while, but this was too cute to let it slide!

When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1,800 employees; all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures, and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. 

 

I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven (7) kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids,and 2 great-grandkids could communicate with me in the MODERN way!

 

I figured I could handle something as SIMPLE as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

 

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie, and Twittererific, Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world!

 

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation!

   

I am NOT ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get LOST every now and then going over to the grocery store or library.

 

I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive.

 

I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes & Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me.

 

I had to take my hearing aid out to use it,  and I got a little LOUD.

 

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time.

 

Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say: "Re-calc-u-lating." 

  

You would think that she could be NICER. It was like she could barely tolerate me.

  

She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead – well - it was NOT a good relationship.

  

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she LOVES me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house.

 

We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too COMPLEX for me!

 

They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store.

You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop.

 

I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.

Now I toss it back to them.

When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." 

Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. 

 

I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do toot a lot." 

P.S.  Us Senior Citizens do NOT need anymore gadgets.  The TV remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle!

Logic Test

(This is an oldie but goodie that I fall for and take every time! Hope you do better than I did...)

These 4 questions test your logic:

#1 - How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

** STOP & think about your answers first**

ANSWER - Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. (This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.)

#2 - How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

ANSWER - If you said to open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door... Wrong! The correct answer is.... Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. (This question was to test your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.)

#3 - The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. ALL the animals attend... except one. Which animal does NOT attend? 

ANSWER - The Elephant. He's in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. (This question tests your memory.)

Okay, even if you did not answer the first 3 questions correctly,

you still have ONE more chance to show your true abilities...

#4 - There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles. You do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

ANSWER - You jump in the river and swim across. Don't worry about the crocodiles. Haven't you been paying attention? All the crocodiles are at the animal meeting! (This question was to test whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.)

NATURAL BORN CITIZENS BEWARE . . .

(Got this in email from a friend & it was a great laugh for the day!)

You, who worry about  Democrats versus Republicans - relax, here is our real problem:

In a Purdue University classroom, the students and their professor were discussing the  qualifications to be President of the United States. It was pretty simple.  The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.

However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen.  In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.

The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"

Yep, my friends, these are the same kinds of 18-year olds who are now voting in our elections!  They breed and walk among us...

New Habits (message from this blogger)

Just want to say that I am trying to be better in my Christian walk & that means cleaning up some of my ways and habits.

I will be more careful about the humor I post. In the past, I have posted some things that pushed the barriers as far as language and morals. I don't want to be a bad example for others. I will still update the blog, but I will be changing to keep things as clean as I can. This goes for my personal daily life as well.

Since I am on the subject, I encourage all my Christian brothers and sisters to take a look at their own lives. We will surely grow and change as we mature in our salvation. Take at look at yourselves and see where you can be a better representation of someone saved by the Lord. If there are things in your daily life that don't reflect a commitment to the Lord, work on getting rid of it.

I recently tweeted about habits. Bad ones are hard to break and good ones are hard to develop. We just need to work on replacing the bad with the good. I am working on my language and prayer life.

One of the reasons I started this blog was to make people smile and be encouraged. I will still try to do that, but I also want to be a reminder of the greatest gift we all have: Salvation through the Lord Jesus Christ.

God bless & keep smiling!