Caught Without Makeup

First, let me say that I'm not sure how authentic the photos in this post are.
Second: I HOPE they are for real!
LOL

Here's why: we "regular" women (and young girls) have these "glam" gals splashed all over television and mags, making us feel like we should be doing more. More to stay thin and flawless.

Well, I just LOVE these "caught" pics. For years I have reminded myself that I am perfectly okay with the way I look. That I don't need to be "camera ready" to function in this world. Yeah. That's what I TOLD myself - meanwhile, I was trying to buy every skin and hair product that these celebs were pushing. Until...

One day - not sure when, but I should have marked it on a calendar - I saw a "caught" pic of Oprah. She was not "camera ready," I can promise you that. Matter of fact, I am surprised that she hasn't SUED the photographer. In the pic, "Queen Oprah" looked like... she looked like... lemme see how to put this: she looked like James Brown on a REALLY bad day. That hair was jacked all kinds of up, her eyes were all squinchy-looking, and her lips were so chapped I bet I could have scratched an itch with them.

That was my wake-up day. The day I realized that ALL women could be Vogue material  - IF we had private chefs, botox docs on call and a private fleet of make-up and hair artists on hand. Not to mention having and endless supply of tailor-made clothes...

If you haven't had your wake-up call, I present you with...

 According to Wikipedia, this woman is 42 years old. She's not awful, but she is "regular," like the rest of us.

Miss Anna here is 29 yrs old. Wow. I don't think she is that hot in the "after" pic, but that "before" shot? Whoo... Looks like she is headed to jail or rehab or something.

I don't know WHAT to say about Pam. She was SO freaking beautiful at one point.

When did she go from amazing to hard-looking to... THIS? (She is 43) Come to think of it, she looks rather young in the "before" pic...

I have to say, I don't think Britney looks too bad here. I never thought she was physically beautiful, but all I see wrong in her "before" pic is needing a shampoo.  And I kind of like her. She still just seems like a sweet kid out of her element. (age: 28)

This young lady is 22. I never really thought much of her, but in the "after" pic, the hair is way too dark. Young girls should see that she's really got nothing much on the average young woman.

If this pic of Cameron (age 38) is for real, well - she should just be ashamed. Looking like the Joker. That before & after is not just good makeup - that is a dang optical illusion...

Penelope Cruz is so freaking cute that even her "before" pic makes me jealous! LOL. She is 36 yrs.

It's so wrong & petty of me, but I don't like anything about this chick. Guess that's why I like having this "before" pic up here! LOL (Age: mine - 5yrs old; her's 35)

Let me pause here a moment & say something before I put up this last pic: I've heard the talk about folks selling their souls to Satan for fame. I might not believe that, but I am starting to believe that Satan has SURELY bought the soul of whoever did Goldie's makeup. How else to explain the difference???

I have always LOVED Miss Goldie, but good gracious - in the before pic she looks like a tobacco farmer who's halfway through gender reassignment! I want to go so far as to say that she looks like Ron Woods of the Rolling Stones, but the blonde hair distracts me. C'mon Goldie! 64 is NOT that old for the average women using Oil of Olay from Walmart. I know you have access to lotion and sunscreen!!!

Lemme quit meddling & being mean before my heart starts to look as bad as some of these pictures!

Question of the Day...

Question: Should children witness childbirth???

Answer: ...

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.
 
The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could See while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. 

Mom Heidi pushed & pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.

The  paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.

Connor began to cry. 

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded...

(Now, don't forget what the question was...) 

 

"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack his butt again!"


{My answer??? Heck yeah! What joy would the world be without all the little Kathleens??!!!}

Good Thoughts

Thanks to my Auntie J for passing along these GOOD THOUGHTS!

Don't let your worries get the best of you;
Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited...
Until you try to sit in their pews.

Many folks want to serve God,
But only as advisers.

It is easier to PREACH ten sermons
Than it is to LIVE one.

When you get to your wit's end,
You'll find God lives there.

If God is you Co-pilot,
swap seats!

Opportunity may knock once,
But temptation bangs on the front door forever.

The Will of God
never takes you
to where the
Grace of God
will not protect you.

God Himself doesn't propose to judge a man
until he is dead,
So why should you?

Peace starts with a smile.

You can tell how big a person is
by what it takes to discourage him

Coincidence
is when God
chooses to remain
anonymous.

Prayer:
Don't give
God instructions,
just report
for duty!

Don't put a question mark
where God put a period.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.
It's about learning to dance in the rain.

The task ahead of us
is never as great
as the Power behind us.

God doesn't
call the qualified,
He qualifies
the called.

(And THIS - my all-time fave - must have been written for ME!):

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

Women... Sheesh!

(What's so funny to me about this one is that my husband would probably feel the same way! LOL)

My Wife always wanted a riding lawn mower.

She works all day and was always tired when she came home from work and thought that a riding lawn mower would help her get the yard work done quicker so she would have more time for the chores inside the house.

SO, being the handy sort of guy that I am, I made her a riding lawn mower. I guess I thought she would squeal with delight or something and give me a big hug.

To this day I have never been able to understand why some women are so hard to please...

Dear Abby...

“DEAR ABBY” ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS FOR AN ANSWER TO THE FOLLOWING:

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.  One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties.  These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment.  Do you think they could be Lebanese?




Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Foul Language, and Violence on my VCR?



Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust.  He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is HIS.



Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years.  It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.



Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.



Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking JUDO.  Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?



Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world.  I've seen it.  Now - how do I get OUT?



 Dear Abby,
 My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years.  He must be crazy.



Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home SOBER.



Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.




Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor.  Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor.  Now what do I do?

God's Problem Now...

This is one of the cutest jokes I have heard in a long time. Made me laugh out loud. Maybe I've been watching too many of those episodes of "Keeping Up Appearances." (And in case you want to check that out, I did a separate post with one of the episodes. I couldn't figure out how to do anything but post the vid! LOL)

God's Problem Now:

His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.  The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,  'Well, she's there."

Early Retirement: Season 3, Episode 1, Part 1

This is one of my FAVE shows.

Don't Mess With Old Folks!

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this:

My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George. Being Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room.

But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed us a bill for $350.00.

I explode and demanded to know WHY the charge is so high. I told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours.

Then the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the 'Standard Rate'. I insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.

'But we didn't use them," I said.

''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that we could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," I said.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, I  replied,"But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to PAY.

I  wrote a check and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. "But sir, this cheque is only made out for $50.00."

''That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife," I replied.

"But I DIDN’T!" exclaims the Manager.

I said, "Well, TOO BAD.  She was here, and you could have."

Deer or Dear?

Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, Frank's  wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Frank's friends are upset that he can't go, but what can  they do?

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find FRANK sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Hey Man, how LONG you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

 "Well, I've been here since yesterday.  Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair  and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'

I pulled her hands off and  she was wearing a brand new see-through nightie. 

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.  The room had candles and rose petals all over.

On the bed, she had handcuffs and ropes.  She told me to tie her up and  handcuff her to the bed... and I did.

And then she said, 'Do whatever you want!'

“SO…   HERE I AM."

Ol' Fred

(Auntie J - you KNOW you are wrong for this one! LOL)

Ol' Fred had been a Faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death.

The family called their preacher to stand with them.

As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note.

Then suddenly died!

The preacher thought it best NOT to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read, "Please step to your left -- you're standing on my Oxygen Tube!"

Moral Giggles?

The teacher gave her 5th Grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a MORAL at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.

But then the teacher realized, that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?'

''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit.  She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.  She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.”

“She SHOT 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the KNIFE, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her BARE HANDS.”

''Good Heavens!' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the MORAL to this horrible story?

"Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."

How Many Words Is A Photo Worth?

After a night of making love the guy notices a photo of another man on the woman's nightstand by the bed.

He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. 

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured. 

"No, no, no!  You are so cute when you're jealous!" she answers. 

"Well, who in the heck is he, then?" he demands.

 She whispers in his ear, "That's ME before the surgery."

Artfully Funny?

(A little on the risque side, this one!)

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.  

The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.  

The curator of the gallery realized that the couple was having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.  

He went on for over half an hour explaining how the painting depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.

"In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what that painting is really about?"

"Now why would YOU claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.

"Because I am the artist who painted the picture," he replied. "In fact, there are NO African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

Only in Texas

I was born in Texas. Didn't spend a whole lotta time there, but I still think of it as "home" (usually when I am mad at the Alaska weather!) Here's a little humor and random info, all about Texas...

*****

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas:

• If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Texas;
• If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas;
• If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas;
• If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas;
• If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas;
• If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas;
• If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas;
• If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas;
• If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph --you're going 80 and everybody's passing you, you may live in Texas;
• If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly,' you may live in Texas;
• If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas.

*****

Here are some little known, very interesting facts about   Texas

• Beaumont to  El Paso: 742 miles
• Beaumont to  Chicago: 770 miles
• El Paso is closer to  California than to Dallas
• World's first rodeo was in  Pecos in  July 4, 1883.
• The Flagship Hotel in  Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water.  Destroyed by Hurricane Ike -2008!
• The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in  Houston.
• Brazoria  County has more species of birds than any other area in North America.
• Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of  North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.
• Jalapeno jelly originated in  Lake Jackson in 1978.
• The worst natural disaster in  U.S. history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on   Galveston  Island.
• The first word spoken from the moon, July 20,1969, was "Houston ," but the space center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time.
• King Ranch in South Texas is larger than  Rhode Island.
• Tropical Storm Claudette brought a   U.S. rainfall record of 43' in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July of 1979.
• Texas is the only state to enter the  U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of   Texas to enter the Union ) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states.
• A Live Oak tree near  Fulton is estimated to be 1,500 years old.
• Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
• Dr Pepper was invented in  Waco in 1885.  There is no period in Dr Pepper.
• Texas has had six capital cities: Washington -on- the Brazos,   Harrisburg,   Galveston , Velasco, West Columbia and Austin.
• The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the  U.S. which is taller than the Capitol Building in   Washington  DC (by 7 feet).
• The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free standing monument in the world and it is taller than the Washington monument.
• The name ' Texas ' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas' meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for   Texas.
• The State Mascot is the Armadillo (an interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females).
• The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in  Houston.

*****

"Everywhere" in Texas! (Places to be found in the state):

(Feel good Texas)

Pep, Texas 79353
Smiley, Texas 78159
Paradise, Texas 76073
Rainbow, Texas 76077
Sweet Home, Texas 77987
Comfort, Texas 78013
Friendship, Texas 76530

(Love the sun?)

Sun City, Texas 78628
Sunrise, Texas 76661
Sunset, Texas 76270
Sundown, Texas 79372
Sunray, Texas 79086
Sunny Side, Texas 77423

(Wanna eat?)

Bacon, Texas 76301
Noodle, Texas 79536
Oatmeal, Texas 78605
Turkey, Texas 79261
Trout, Texas 75789
Sugar Land, Texas 77479
Salty, Texas 76567
Rice, Texas 75155
Pearland, Texas 77581
Orange, Texas 77630
And top it off with:
Sweetwater, Texas 79556

(There without leaving Texas!)

Detroit, Texas 75436
Cleveland, Texas 75436
Colorado City, Texas 79512
Denver City, Texas 79323
Klondike, Texas 75448
Pittsburg, Texas 75686
Newark, Texas 76071
Nevada, Texas 75173
Memphis, Texas 79245
Miami, Texas 79059
Boston, Texas 75570
Santa Fe, Texas 77517
Tennessee Colony, Texas 75861
Reno, Texas 75462
Pasadena, Texas 77506
Columbus, Texas 78934

(Outside & inside Texas)

Athens, Texas 75751
Canadian, Texas 79014
China, Texas 77613
Dublin, Texas 76446
Egypt, Texas 77436
Ireland, Texas 76538
Italy, Texas 76538
Turkey, Texas 79261
London, Texas 76854
New London, Texas 75682
Paris, Texas 75460
Palestine, Texas 75801

And a whole buncha others:

No need to travel to Washington D.C. - Whitehouse,   Texas    75791

We even have a city named after our planet! - Earth,  Texas    79031

We have a city named after our state - Texas City, Texas    77590

Exhausted? - Energy,   Texas    76452


Cold? - Blanket, Texas    76432  and Winters,  Texas 79567

(Like to read about History?)

Santa Anna,   Texas 76878
Goliad,   Texas 77963
Alamo,   Texas 78516
Gun Barrel City,   Texas 75156
Robert  Lee,   Texas 76945

Need Office Supplies? - Staples,   Texas 78670

Want to go into outer space? - Venus,  Texas   76084 and Mars,   Texas   79062

You guessed it. It's on the state line - Texline,  Texas    79087

(For the kids...)
Kermit, Texas 79745
Elmo, Texas 75118
Nemo, Texas 76070
Tarzan, Texas 79783
Winnie, Texas 77665
Sylvester, Texas 79560

(Other city names in Texas , to make you smile)

Frognot, Texas 75424
Bigfoot, Texas 78005
Hogeye, Texas 75423
Cactus, Texas 79013
Notrees, Texas 79759
Best, Texas 76932
Veribest, Texas 76886
Kickapoo, Texas 75763
Dime Box, Texas 77853
Old Dime Box, Texas 77853
Telephone, Texas 75488
Telegraph, Texas 76883
Whiteface, Texas 79379
Twitty, Texas 79079

And last but not least, the Anti-Al Gore City - Kilgore, Texas 75662

(More faves)

Cut and Shoot, Texas 77303
Gun Barrel City, Texas 75147
Ding Dong, Texas
West, Texas (it’s in Central Texas )
and, of course,
Muleshoe, Texas 79347

In Troubled Times

This is a lil mean, but still a smiler!


During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:

1.. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.

2.. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3.. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4.. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.

A Little Humor

Here are some short & cute funnies. Mostly, I love the humor of little kids... (Thanks, Auntie J!)

*****

BEING THANKFUL

A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your Mother says your prayers for you each night?  That's very commendable. What does she say?"

The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

*****

SAY A PRAYER

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house.& nbsp; Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.  When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Johnny!  Please wait until we say our prayer." said his Mother.  "I don't need to," the boy replied.

"Of course, you do", his Mother insisted.  "We always say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house." Johnny explained.  "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook.

*****

UNANSWERED PRAYER

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her Father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.  One day, she asked him why.

"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages,  "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."

"How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.

*****

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School Teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23.  She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.

Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm.  After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.  On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

****

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday School Teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?"

"No," replied Johnny.  "How could he, with just two worms."

*****

GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday School Teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.

She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

*****

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS

When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).  For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls."  This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing.  My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?"  Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!"

LOL. Big smiles!