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Monday, February 11, 2013

Signs of the Funny


SIGNS

(In a Toilet)
TOILET OUT OF ORDER.   PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

(In a Laundromat)
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT!

(In a London department store)
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS!

(In an office)
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN!

(In an office)
AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD!

(Outside a secondhand shop)
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.   WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

(Notice in health food shop window)
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.

(Spotted in a safari park)
ELEPHANTS - PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

(Seen during a conference)
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

(Notice in a farmer's field)
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

(Message on a leaflet)
IF YOU CANNOT READ THIS, LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS!

(On a repair shop door)
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)!

HEADLINES

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says!  (
Really?)





Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers! (
Now that's taking things a bit far!)







Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over. (
What a guy!)









Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant. (
See if that works any better than a fair trial!)











War Dims Hope for Peace. (
I can see where it might have that effect!)













If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile. (
Ya think?!)















Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide. (
They may be onto something!)

















Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges (
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?)



















Kids Make Nutritious Snacks (
Do they taste like chicken?)





















Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors (
Boy, are they tall!)