I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a RELATIVE.
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any LOOSE fitting clothing, I would NOT have signed up in the first place!
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Don't argue with an IDIOT; people watching may NOT be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the BIBLE in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
(Another completely brilliant question!!!!)
And remember:
Life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the FASTER it goes.
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