Roy D. Mercer (he'll whup a man)

Long time ago, I worked with a lady named Barb. We had night jobs & our work was pretty tedious. BUT - there were never a lot of bosses around, so we could lighten up a little and find ways to make the time pass more pleasantly. (Remember those days? When you could hate your job without guilt? Nowadays, you have to be so thankful to HAVE a job, you don't dare get petty...)

Anyway, one of the ways we managed to get through the heavy workloads was to listen to music or talk radio. We had to cut out the talk radio when co-workers began fighting over whether Art Bell was insane or not. (A couple of the employees were nervous everytime Art mentioned possible proof that the world really was on the brink of alien take-over. Yeah.) We did all right listening to music until the country music lovers got into it with the rap devotees who had already threatened to kick the butts of the Whitney Houston/Celine Dion clique. Finally, it was Barb who came to the rescue. She introduced all of us to Roy D. Mercer.

What can I say? The Area-51 followers made peace with the non-believers and the country music fans were buddies once again with the rest of the music gangs. All thanks to the hilarious recordings of prank phone calls made by ol' Roy. With Roy, you had the tough talk, the down-home twangy accent, the hilariously daring pranks... What's not there for all of us to love?

You have to visit the official site to get the full taste, but here are some of my fave "Royisms" (see that link on his site at the menu on the bottom):

• I'm gonna wipe the floor with ya, then whup yer a** for not gettin' in the corners.
• I'll kick yer a** so hard you'll have to clear yer throat to fart.
• I'm gonna be on you like a wet fart on satin undies
• You ain't bigger than a pop corn fart
  

A popcorn fart? Whatever. The man (or the guys) is just too funny, but funnier still are the people on the recieving end of the prank calls. Some of them stay so calm you wonder if they have any spine, but some of them just come all out the bag. I think a couple of people were still ready to throw down even after the joke was revealed.